Cleaning House

Wow! Happy Thirteen Months Old Tyse! It's hard to believe that your One Year Birthday was a month ago. I still have some of your balloons floating around in the house.

Today, I have been spending most of my time cleaning the house. Todd and I were in the process of starting to build our house when I found out I was pregnant. I had terrible morning sickness and it lasted throughout my whole pregnancy. I wasn’t in the mood to do anything. When it was time for us to move I just threw things in boxes. Usually before you move, you get rid of stuff, well I was opposite. I said to Todd, “After I have the baby then I will start getting rid of things.” I did have Tyse, but now he has all kinds of medical problems to keep me busy. I have been telling Todd for a long time that I needed to get to the boxes downstairs or in one of the spare bedrooms. Today was the first day I was able to get rid of some stuff. I did a lot of shredding. I still have a lot more cleaning to do, but hopefully before spring I will get to everything. I found a receipt that means the world to me. It was on January 17, 2007. A day before Tyse was born. I remember that day clearly. It was the last day I was pregnant, it was the last day where I felt my dreams were live, it was the day that I should have had Tyse on and to ask for a c-section. It was my last day to have a normal life. I bought three gallons of Milk, Sunny D, two packages of cookies, and a movie. I wish I knew that the days yet to come would be filled of tears, hurt, anger, resentment, sorrow, and blindness. I wish I knew what to pray for the night before or to continue to pray for until I was in labor. I wish I could have prepared myself with a taste of the future. I wish someone would have told me.

I found another interesting thing today too. I found my cards from my wedding that I sat on the table that said, “Bippity Boppity Boo! Our wedding day will soon be through! So please predict where we will be on our fifth wedding anniversary. When the time comes we will read the myth to see if it came true for us the way you predict it to be. Bippity Boppity Boo!” If you can’t already tell, my theme for my wedding was Cinderella. Anyway, it’s funny because no one wrote a disability child. Everyone wrote a happy thought. There is nothing wrong with that, it’s just that life doesn’t always go the way we see it in our eyes or mind. The only person who was so close to the actually truth now was my Great Grandma Sharkey who just passed last May. She wrote, “Taking a special night out from the baby.” It hasn’t been five years, but she is so close to the reality of today. Even if Tyse was born with no complications she still would have been closer to what anyone else wrote. I wish I could talk to her today. I miss her.

My life is starting to de-clutter and I feel good about it. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of me. I can’t wait till I get my house clean and organized to where I want it to be. That will feel even nicer. I have so much paper work with all these doctors’ notes, therapy notes, receipts, bills, etc. It seems like I can never get organize and file it all. Someday, I will have it all taken care of….maybe. Well, I need to get to bed. It’s late.